best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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