The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize