just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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