Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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