Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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