no, he came in my armpit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
