dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
