sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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