who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
