Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
