All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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