Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
