I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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