Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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