so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
