I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
