I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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