I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
