She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
