I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
