there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
