so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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