I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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