I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
