So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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