Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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