hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
