This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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