Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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