Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
