Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize