the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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