What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
FUCK WHALES
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
