if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
