shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
