Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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