he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
