life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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