No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
