piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
