The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
