I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
