Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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