Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize