Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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