ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
