Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
