I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
