What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
