Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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