So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
