So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
