My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
