dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
