I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You made out with two different species that night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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