I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
