Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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