Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
