the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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