First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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