My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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