I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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