Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
