the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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