your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
