i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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