The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
