I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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