I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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