i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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