WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
