I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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