Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
