Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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